Erelorne
I think my earliest memory of my mother was of a soft, gentle voice that sang so sweetly I wanted it to never stop. Mommy would always sing to me, every nap, every night, every morning. I was only a child, but she was my entire world and I loved her with the fierce love only a child could feel. I sensed, in that way children have, that she was unhappy and driven, but she always had time for me.
When I was still very little, I remember Mommy came to me one night without a song. I was curious, but never frightened around her. She told me something wonderful had happened. She said that she thought she’d finally found my father, and soon he would come and be with us and we would all be so happy together. I was delighted, and began asking her time after time, day after day, when he’d arrive.
"Soon, angel, soon" she’d smile at me, humming softly. "Daddy lives a long way away, and it will take him some time to come, but I’m sure he knows all about you now, and how could he not come?"
I waited for him, and waited, and waited. To a child, it seemed like forever, though Mommy insisted it was only a few weeks. She looked so tired, so worn out, but she still always had time for me. I guess I was almost oblivious, and it wasn’t till years later that I realized those were hard times for us. Money seemed short, and our customary feasts faded into quite Spartan meals. Mommy took great care over my clothes, and I hardly noticed that her gowns began to look threadbare. She was dragged into longer and longer meetings with her counselors. I was scared of the raised and angry voices behind those doors, but I’d always hear Mommy’s voice, calm and even, answering them, and I believed I had nothing to worry about. How naïve are children.
I came to notice, after a while, that there were fewer and fewer servants around the castle, and Mommy did more work herself. Then it seemed like some of the counsel had left too, and there was always more for Mommy to do. I asked her about it one day, and she said that sometimes it cost an awful lot to get something that was very important to you. I didn’t understand that then, but now, when I contemplate the awful price she paid…
Finally came the day that Father arrived. He rode into the castle courtyard on a beautiful white horse, and I thought him so wonderful. I was in for a harsh lesson in reality. Father swept in like he owned the place, and Mommy rushed out to greet him. He swung down from his horse, tossing the reins to a nearby servant.
He glanced at her with a small smile, "Where’s my daughter?" he asked, with no preamble. Mommy smiled proudly, pointing to me as I rushed forward.
"Here, Daddy!" I exclaimed, "Here I am." I ran up to him expectantly. He gazed down at me, hands on hips, and I’ll never forget that moment.
With half a glance back at my mother, he quipped, "Not bad. Prettier than you. She’ll do nicely." I heard my mother gasp and looked at her to see the stricken look on her face. I was confused, not understanding. Mommy had told me we’d be happy now, but she didn’t look happy. Frightened and unsure, I started to cry. Father frowned, and picked me up suddenly.
"None of that" he said smoothly, "Princesses don’t cry." He put me back down, patting me on the head, and turned to my mother.
"Sorry we can’t stay" he said shortly, "I just came for the girl. I have a very tight schedule."
Mommy looked so sad, with tears in her eyes, "You can’t take her from me…she’s all I have. I only wanted to share with you what a miraculous gift we’d been given."
Father waved a hand at her dismissively. "Look, I have no time for this. Say goodbye while you have the chance." My mother was a wise woman, and knew when an argument was futile. She saw how frightened I was, and took me into her arms with a sigh. I was crying now, confused, and kept asking her where we were going. I didn’t know it then, but it was to be the last time she would ever hold me.
"Angel, Mommy’s had you all to herself all this time. Daddy loves you too, and you’re going to go visit with him for a while. Then, later, you can come back and visit with me again. Doesn’t that sound like fun?"
I cried and held on to her, sobbing my heart out, "No Mommy, no, I don’t want to go away from you, don’t let him take me away, no!" My mother held me a moment, her murmuring a soft song in my ear and then strong hands lifted me away. "Right then, time to go" my father said cheerfully. Mommy stood close to us, and pushed something into my hand. "Be brave angel" I heard her whisper. My father nudged his horse forward, and through my tears I looked back to see my mother watching us go, her face pale as a ghost and her smile looking strained. I cried for a time, and then Father whispered in my ear and I fell asleep.
When I awoke, lots of time must have gone past, because I felt all light-headed and thirsty. I was in a strange room, full of strange toys and things, and it was very big. The bed wasn’t mine either, and the covers felt scratchy. Scared and confused, I started calling for my Mommy. After a few minutes, a woman came in. I didn’t know her, but she smiled gently, and sat down on the bed. I felt something still clasped in my hand, and when I looked it was my mother’s bracelet, the one I knew she’d worn for her coronation. This, somehow, scared me more than anything else. It was a lovely piece of worked silver, set with a dozen stones of fire and ice. I stared at it dimly for a long moment, too sad to even move. Even at the age of five, I knew that was her way of saying goodbye.
"Celeste? I’m your Aunt Flora. I’m your daddy’s sister. It’s ok" she told me, "nobody’s going to hurt you. We’re all family here." She smiled reassuringly at me, and offered a hug. I clung to her and cried for a while, asking for my mother.
Under her breath, I heard Aunt Flora mutter, "Damn you Bleys" before she turned back to me. "Your mother’s fine, dear. She wanted you to come see this big castle where your daddy lives. Won’t that be fun? C’mon, I’ll show you around."
Flora was very sweet and kind to me, and I gravitated toward her like I was drowning and she was my only lifeline.
I remember quite clearly that for the first few months of my new life in Amber Castle, I cried myself to sleep every night and often woke up from terrible dreams that something had happened to my mother.
Years later, when I finally was able to return to my mother’s shadow, I found a derelict castle, a wasted land, and a lonely grave on the hill overlooking the sea. I first arrived in my own old room, it being the most familiar, using the spells of teleportation that Fiona had taught to me.
When I drew close to the lonely gravesite, I sat before it gazing sadly at the grave marker. The stone there erected read simply,
"Her Royal Majesty Analee of Erelorne
Born in the 25th Year of the Reign of Lorena the Fourth
On the 9th day of the 8th month
Began her Glorious Reign on the first hour of her 20th year
Died in the 12th year of her Reign on the 12th day of the 5th month
Last of her Line – Beloved Mother
She passed away in great sorrow
And the country sorrows for her in return
I noted that all but the first three lines, which were cut professionally, were carved in an amateur hand, seemingly one old and shaky.
Tears in my eyes, I wandered down the hill, and found another grave, simple and plain. It was a shallow pit, filled with debris and weather, and what seemed almost the remains of a body, exposed to the elements. On the stone was a simple inscription:
I was the last; I have buried my Queen
She rests above, I rest between.
From that day on the cold war between my father and myself escalated into the deepest pit of hatred I could conjure within myself. I vowed to never bring him the smallest bit of pleasure and to rob his miserable life of every joy I could until the day he died.
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