Chapter TwentyOne

Heir To Thelbane

 

Just as we arrived in Amber, I felt the 'ping' of yet another trump contact. I sighed, braced myself for more water running down my head, and answered.

"Yes?"

There was an old, old woman there, whom I recognized as Lady Alyssa of House Hendrake. She is an old, respected figure in the Courts. Interesting. Nerve-wracking, but definitely interesting.

"You are Corvina?" she inquired. At least she didn't ask me if I was Merlin's sister. I like her already.

"How can I help you?" I responded.

"There are things we must discuss, matters of importance" she replied. Heh. It's either sorcerous or political, no doubt. That was too diplomatically phrased.

I started to answer her, wondering where she wished to arrange a meeting, but she waved me to silence.

"This contact will suffice" she told me.

"Ok, I'm listening" I said.

"There are matters regarding the succession. Merlin has been missing for some time now. We need to establish a successor, in the case that he does not return."

Ack. Um. Ick. Merlin missing? Was that from Ghostwheel, or what 01 was up to? Should I worry about him? "Yes?" I asked, feeling ill, and hoping that this was all about the Prescott issue.

"We would like to avoid another messy situation such as the one we had when Lord Swayvill died" she continued smoothly.

"Um yes" I acknowledged, "there did seem to be an inordinately large pile of bodies assiciated with that event." Now there was an understatement. But I was trying hard to be sociable.

"We don't want that sort of, pardon the term, chaos again" she stated primly. "It would not be good for the Courts right now. It would be far too....disruptive."

"Yes, I can understand that" I murmured. I had developed some sense of fondness for my home while wandering through occasionally more than inhospitable shadows. And after the last fiasco in Amber, the Courts didn't seem all that bad. And far more civilized...

"We would like to establish a clear decision on a successor ahead of time, and avoid those problems." She was smooth. Wonder if Dara learned from her?

"I understand" I said slowly, afraid I actually was beginning to. There's no way she's be using this strong a diplomatic kid glove just to ask about Prescott. Oh shit. 'What do you want Queen?' he'd asked me. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit . . .

"As you know" Alyssa went on, "Merlin has no legitimate successor. He was never married." She paused, with a disapproving look. By the eye of....never mind. I hope they're not going to try to marry me off, too. Sigh. They'll just never understand why that won't work. Not in Chaos.

No legitimate successor she'd said. Now that was interesting. Is Prescott a secret? Has he been dismissed from the Succession? Is he just presumed dead? Best not to mention the Orenstein/Prescott thing right now, I assume. Damn, maybe I should have paid more attention to Dara. And why wasn't SHE calling me?

Lady Alyssa continued, looking at me very carefully. "He does, however, have a legitimate sister in line."

Oh damn. She said it. Ah mother, did you dream this? Or was there a reason, part of the great plan that you wanted two children from Oberon's line? Did Merlin disappoint you that badly? Or has he not performed to specs? Surely you don't imagine ME a better pawn... Mother, right about now I think I 'd like to speak with you, and I think I'd wished I'd listened. I figured my position in the 'greater scheme' of things would NEVER matter... And really, I found it more than slightly hard to accept at this point that they were seriously considering me. Then again.....my disinterest can't be all that secret. Did that, in and of itself, make me useful, or just manipulatible, since I'd never know if I was trusting exactly the wrong people. People like.....Mandor.

"And Mandor?" I asked her, knowing fully well that he would never be able to take the throne.

"Mandor is not eligible, being head of his household" she reminded me, in a tone that suggested she knew that I should have known that.

I was silent a moment, considering. "When was this decided?"

"Very recently" she frowned. "You understand, not everyone was pleased with this. It was NOT unanymous." Heh. I bet.

"And Mandor was part of this decision?" I checked.

"Yes, he was" she smiled. She knew what I was getting at with that one. I couldn't imagine Mr. Suave not having a finger in the pie. Now for the big one.

"And Lady Dara?" I can bet she's loving this.

Alyssa 's face grew solemn. "The Lady Dara has been missing, no one knows where she has gone."

I was actually shaken. I hope she's just in seclusion or something. Maybe she's laying low so no one will think she's involved in getting another one of her kids on the throne. Strangely, I found myself concerned though. I may not get along with her, and I may not have wanted into her plans, but still..

"I see" I answered slowly.

She regarded me for a moment. "Do you accept?" she queried.

Oh, I have a choice, do I? Yeah, some choice. I accept, I become assasination target number one. I refuse, and the next one in line makes me assasination target number one, without protection, because I'd always be a threat having a stronger claim on their throne then they. Ugly.

"I cannot" I chose my words carefully "ignore that which I would perceive as my duty to the Courts."

She visibly relaxed. So they thought I'd tell them to go hang. Interesting. "Knowing your objections to political involvement..." she said demurely. So there it was. Mandor must have briefed them well. Did they consult with Suhuy too? I'm sure he'd have given them an earful of how useful I'd be in the political arena.

"No, I do not want this" I told her honestly. "But I would prefer this solution to political turmoil. I am concerned what happens to my home." I realized, unfortunately, that oft times the best people for the job were the ones who wanted it least, not having meglomaniacal aspirations.

My thoughts turned to Corwin's journals, and the scramble for the throne when Oberon went missing. Ewww. Even editing out Corwin's angst and melodrama, it was an ugly thought. Come to think of it, last time I saw Merlin he was hanging out with Random...

"Is there a similar political upheaval going on at the other end?" I asked carefully.

"We don't concern ourselves with the Line of Succession of Amber. That's their own business" she sniffed.

Perhaps so, but I happen to know of FAR too many Chaosites intimately interested in the succession and business of Amber. I can't imagine that that's a true statement. The succession and political situation in Amber must be very influencial. Hmmm, have to remember this. What I really wanted, though, was news on whether or not Random was missing too. It was obviously a safe bet that she didn't quite know exactly where I was, also.

"Will you be able to give me some warning?" I asked, not wanting to get unceremoniously wisked off to Chaos in the middle of something personally important. But hey, all I've ever seen of the rulers of either end is that they're not in, they're unavailable, or that they're off in shadow somewhere. Hope that's true. I am not all that fond of Courtly type functions.

"I will try" she promised, "but it may be a very short notice." Ah well, so it goes.

"I will speak with you soon" I told her, "and I should be home shortly."

I cut off the contact. Good thing I like demons a lot, there's a fair chance I'm going to be seeing an awful lot of them soon.

I wonder if Trenchcoat Boy knew this was coming. Probably. Probably helped set it up. Interesting, I'm a brand new kind of pawn. I believe I'll go to Castle Amber, being here, and inquire after Random. Possibly even seek out Benedict to speak with.

But first, I thought as I shuffled through my trumps, I need some serious answers from dear Uncle Suhuy. If he won't talk, there's always Dworkin, but I do consider that a desperate act.

Suhuy answered promptly, which in itself made me wonder specifically what was wrong with the universe this time.

Suhuy was in what appeared to be a sitting room, in demonform as normal, lounging in an overstuffed easychair. He smiled. "Yes?"

"Uncle, I need a trump for Merlin" I told him.

"Really" he said, staring at me, and I sighed.

"Ok, How about a trump for Random?" I tried.

"Really" he said, just as dryly. I had to admit the stare looked kind of disappointed. Error.

"Ok, ok, I've learned my lesson. Please stop with the business cards, I give up, you win. You've made your point." Maybe 01 had a point with the apology idea.

Suhuy leaned forward. "HAVE I? I wouldn't think so from your first two requests. Not even a hello..." he grumbled.

I sighed. I can always count on him to never be easy on me. "I have been impolite, I apologize Uncle. Greetings. How are you?"

"Just fine" he said cheerfully "thank you, and how have you been?"

"Busy" I said sweetly.

"Doing what?" he inquired.

"Getting trump call after trump call after trump call" I answered him. "Would you please stop?"

"I did stop making them" he said innocently. "I just haven't bothered recalling them all."

I waited, watching him carefully to determine his mood at this point. I had a lot of questions, and if he was determined to be vague or playful, I wouldn't get any real answers. Especially not if he got into his head that this would make a good opportunity for a lesson.

"What have you been up to?" he inquired.

"That's a long story, but I need to get to Merlin" I reemphasized.

"What do you need a trump of Merlin for?" he asked.

"I need to get in touch with him" I answered.

Suhuy looked disappointed again. "There are other ways."

"Well" I admitted "I was looking for speed, not style."

"Ah" he said "there's the problem."

"But" I protested weakly, "I thought it would be best for me to find him before they called me home!"

"Who's calling you home?" he asked.

"Please, you must know about this" I didn't feel like playing games.

"Know about what?" Hmmm. It's not like Suhuy to ask direct questions when he could vague around it in 200 words or more. Could it be he actually didn't know? Now that was a disturbing thought. For what reason, or in what amazing breach of protocol, would they have excluded Suhuy from a discussion on the Succession?

"Just before I trumped you, Lady Alyssa called me" I told him.

"Oh, what did she want? To say hello? Chat? Court gossip?" he asked, disinterested.

"Oh the usual" I replied, "a little greeting, a little gossip, a little matter of succession..."

"Why are they worrying about the succession, why, is Merlin in trouble or something?" he queried.

"Well" I started, "it seems Merlin's been missing, and they seem to have lost their minds and want to put me on the throne. They had some sort of council meeting. Mandor was there, of course."

"You??? Queen of Chaos?" If Suhuy said anything else, it became wholly incomprehensible in the peals of hysterical laughter. I sighed. After a time, he stopped laughing and looked at me, bemused. "What did you tell them? You didn't tell them yes, did you?"

"Er, I said that I didn't see as to how I could turn them down if they insisted..." I ventured, now feeling rather foolish about that whole conversation.

"That's a yes" he told me.

"I told them I didn't want it, but..."

"That's a yes" he said firmly. "You don't have to convince ME, I know you don't want it" he added.

Again, I sighed. "I know."

"They're ripping him off the throne so soon. How rude. He's not missing you know." I had actually considered that. "Isn't he with Random?" I asked.

"Not recently" Suhuy commented.

"Last time I saw him he was" I mused.

"That was some time ago" he told me.

"Dara's missing too, they told me" I supplied.

"No she's not. Not....missing.....indisposed maybe."

"Missing, incommunicado, out of touch, in seclusion, choose your synonym" I quipped. "The point is they couldn't find either Merlin or her, and have reacted as if they're gone, apparently."

He looked thoughtful. "If they really think you want it, then watch your back" he said very seriously.

"I am" I told him. "And my front, and sides and under my feet and everything. It's a good thing I like demons, I've a feeling I'm going to be seeing an awful lot of them."

"Your back should be sufficient. But yes" he noted, "you probably will."

"You said Alyssa called you? I would be especially careful of her" he warned.

"I will" I answered. "But you didn't hear of this council? Did it really happen, could you find out?"

"I could" he agreed. Sigh.

"Pardon me Uncle, WILL you find out?"

"I'll look into it" he said, bemused.

"Is it possible that it was made up, to feel out or ascertain my position?"

"Very" he agreed, with a smile. "Be very careful." Seems I learned a little, eh Dara?

I noted about this point that the quality of the trump contact was changing, and it felt strange. I wasn't quite sure how it was different, and didn't know what it meant.

"Is something wrong?" I asked Suhuy.

He immediately seemed to know what I was referring to. "No, why? Is there a problem on your end?"

"I don't think so. Could we have an evesdropper?" I asked, worried about Lothos.

"No" he stated flatly. If he wasn't worried, then I shouldn't be. I noticed that this trump contact was feeling more solid, and it seemed that I had actually joined Suhuy in his sitting room. The background of where I physically was faded away. I could not see, nor was I aware at all of my real surroundings near Amber Castle. Nice trick, that. No distractions were getting through, which was ok with me since I was tired of constant pinging.

"What else have you been up to? What's been going on with you?" he asked.

"That would take us back to my last call to you" I said.

"What about it?"

"I know you said I didn't want to know where I was, but, with all due respect Uncle, you are wrong. I do want to know."

"No" he said carefully, "you don't."

"You don't understand, I really do" I said flatly. "I need to know what I was dealing with."

Suhuy paused. "I don't know exactly where you were, it changes."

Ah, the age old game of verbal fencing with my teacher. You never get anything approximating an answer if you cannot phrase the question. "Perhaps I misspoke myself. Perhaps I don't want to know where I was in the physical this-is-a-place sense, but more in the metaphysical sense."

"Yes" he approved.

I chose my words carefully here. A misstep would cost me this answer. "So where was I in that sense? Was I in the Chaos analogue of the place of the Primal Pattern?"

"You could say that" he replied, "it's a, reasonable analogy." Wow. That's pretty close to a straight answer. Perhaps I have learned a little.

"So what was I dealing with?"

Suhuy snorted, and I realized my error. "If you know where you were, then you have a good idea what you were dealing with." Never act stupid around Suhuy, he'll make sure you feel how you act.

"Uncle, I beg your...."

I searched for the correct words, while he helpfully tried to supply them, "Indulgence? Permission?"

"...tutorial expertise" I decided. "I don't wish to guess in this case. I would like to be instructed."

He looked at me for a minute, and I wondered if he was going to answer. "It doesn't have a name" he told me. "You could call it whatever you wish. You could call it Christine if you want and it would be happy. As long as you called it something" he added. I waited for him to go on. Fortunately for me, he did.

"I guess you could call it the Serpent or the Unicorn or whatever. It's all the same thing. It's a metaphysical, or univeral being, force, whatever."

I closed my eyes briefly, now that I knew I had been right. I noticed, though, that although I had physically closed my eyes, I could still see Suhuy and the sitting room. Interesting. I reopened them, mostly because that sensation was annoying.

"Have I made a bad decision?" I asked.

"That depends" he answered. "What were your goals? Do you think it's a bad decision?"

"I don't know" I said, which was true enough. "What have I done?"

He gave me the stock answer, for which the word exists only in Thari that the effects vary with the individual.

"Is it a good effect? I feel like everything's crawling."

"It depends on whether or not you like it." he said matter of factly.

"Well" I considered, "I guess it's good in that I seem to have accelerated logrus tendril searches that produce excessive results."

"Is that something you want?" he asked.

"I don't know, I guess it's fairly useful" I reasoned.

"Then it's good." Suhuy is usually some sort of practical.

"What have I done to myself?" I repeated.

"You've apparently allied yourself with one of the two major poles, as a spy or servent or messanger or something" he explained.

"Actually" I told him, "it used the word Emissary."

"Ewww.....that's different. Although, it reminds me of a very long story of my own." He added. I wasn't so sure I liked the 'ewwwww' part.

"Is this permanent?" I asked.

"Do you want it to be?" he returned.

"I don't know" I told him honestly.

"Then it is, for now." Ah, it's conversations like this one that I miss, not being home.

Suhuy paused and looked at me for a moment. "Was there something else? You have several people trying VERY hard to get you attention."

Neat, I wasn't even aware of it. Wish I knew how to do this. But there was something far more important to deal with.

"Yes, there is something I wish to know."

"What?" he asked.

This must be asked carefully if I hoped for any straight answer at all.

"You've hinted at the answer before, but I've never gotten a straight answer out of anyone, and no-one's ever been willing to tell me. Who is my father?"

Suhuy was silent for a moment. "Why is it important to you?"

I spoke slowly. "Well, there's a lot I have to deal with right now, and it's something that matters a lot to me. I wish to know, and because I am dealing more and more with all these people very closely, I need to know for myself exactly where I stand."

He considered me thoughfully for a moment. Had I asked the question right, I wondered?

"Everyone thinks" he said finally "that your father is Brand. Merlin thinks so, Dara thinks so, everyone does."

That's not an answer. "Do you know who my father really is?"

"Yes" he said, "I know exactly who your father is." Ah, that is the most straitforward answer I've ever gotten.

"You said that everyone thinks my father is Brand, but then said you know who it is. You did not say that you thought it was Brand" I pointed out.

Suhuy smiled at me. See, I can be perceptive.

"You're right, I didn't"

Quietly I asked him, "Who is my father, Suhuy?"

"Do you really want to know?" he asked me very pointedly.

"Yes I do" I kept my voice quiet.

"If I tell you" he warned, "it will mean you will not hear from me. We will be out of contact after that."

What the...."Why?"

"It will become apparent when I tell you" replied. Geesh, I hope he's not going to tell me it's Lothos. But out of contact with Suhuy? That's a heavy price.

"For good?" I asked tentatively.

"For a while" he corrected. Alright, at least it's not permanent. If it were, I don't think I could do it. And that is too painful to admit. Still....

I considered the short-term consequences. "If I get actually thrown into this succession thing, and have to deal with it, will I be able to contact you then?"

"If circumstances warrent it, yes" he allowed.

Sink or swim, Corvina. This is what you've always wanted. To know who your father is so you have a chance at a relationship with a parent who cares for you, instead of being Dara's well-planned political ace-in-the-hole. You've searched and searched, can you really turn your back on finding out because it costs? Even if the answer is something you don't want to hear? And what if it's not Brand? Then what? All your life, all your identiy, all your hopes tied up so hard in that one possibility. Will Suhuy tell you it's Brand just to ease your mind? Can you stand not knowing? Will you ever get a chance at a straight answer from Suhuy about this again? Likely not . . .

"Then yes, I want to know."

The trump contact began to fade, and for a moment I despaired that he wouldn't tell me. I saw Amber Castle begin fading in around me, as well as Gwen, Tekvar and Br'evv. As Suhuy's study began to fade away, he smiled at me. The last thing I heard before the contact broke was "I am your father."



I stood shock still, and listened to my blood pounding in my ears. Nooooooo . . . All these years..... 'Uncle' Suhuy, my friend, teacher, mentor, my only real family in the courts, tho only one who was ever kind to me . . why did he never tell me . . . and I never knew. But he said everyone thought it was Brand...even Dara?!?!?!?! How? Why? Games within games within....If he means that, that everyone thinks I am Brand's daughter, and well, hey, I do look like Brand, perhaps it should stay that way. How, why do I look like Brand? What bizarre circumstance happened? But what of my goals, my plans? I always wanted a father who cared for me, and didn't I have it? Suhuy has always been there, always helped, taught, guided. And have I been ungrateful? Did my constant searching amuse him? Make him angry? Was it hurtful? Or did he understand it, understand that I never wanted to be a plaything, a pawn, that I just wanted the impossible - a family that cared for reasons other than what use I was to their aspirations. But I must have Brand's side of the story, I must know what he knows. Is that possible? Will Suhuy understand my still seeking him out? Will that be hurtful to him now that he HAS told me? Will Suhuy ever tell me more, explain how this came to be? And now, he says the price is that I cannot contact him. And now I understand . . . it's a hell of a thing to use as a teaching tool, a learning experience Uncle . . . Father.

Perhaps I am too harsh on Dara, and do not judge her fairly, but she never has shown me much else. Perhaps she does not know how. Perhaps I never let her. I don't think I'll ever know. But mother, you didn this to me. You left me adrift in a world full of lineage and social structure, and you made sure I couldn't be part of it, could never fit in. You left me exiled in my home, never truly a part of any of it, not even of my own family. You could have declared me Brand's, left me some legitimacy. You could have had Sawall adopt me like Merlin. Anything. Something. But you gave me nothing, and left me to make it on my own. And if you don't like what you've made, who else to you have to blame but you?

And now, it would be best not to let such a well-guarded secret out unless he wanted it. The thing I wanted most, I must keep hidden. That's alright though, I have it and I didn't want it for someone else's sake. There must have been a reason for so much subterfuge, for making it a hidden thing. And growing up under his tutalage - he could spend as much time with me as he wished, and teach me what he thought I should know, all to the arrousal of no suspicion. So clever! Who would guess? But.....now what? Now, I suppose, I must be what everyone claimed I was. The unrecognized bastard daughter of an Amberite Prince, not belonging to the House of Amber, of Barimen I suppose, nor to a true House of Chaos. Just Corvina, as always. To keep the secret, I have to keep the lie. Will Suhuy understand what I am doing? Oh, I truly hope so. Will he know it is for subterfuge that I call him Uncle? Please, by the Serpent, don't let me hurt him by this. Please let him understand . . .

Slowly I became aware of several things. The first was that there were people around me. The second that my face was wet. I hadn't realized I was crying, and it was a foreign thing. Crying is not something I do in public, and I found it difficult to stop. I think there are several causes - some of it is a mixture of joy and the relief of a long held and intense stress let go, but for the rest, I believe I'll be sorting out my feelings for some time to come.